Tuesday, January 15, 2008

How to forget

You don't. Forgetting the pain that a parent caused you is as impossible as forgetting that you have hands and feet. Once the pain has infiltrated the confines of your soul it's there to stay. You have choices though......

Identifying the pain is the easiest and hardest. Sometimes what you can feel is not the same as what you can express. So expression of pain is one of the hard things to get over. If you express it too much then you become bitter and hardened and the pain has caused you to turn on yourself.

It's okay to cry and it's okay to shout. It's okay to state the obvious and it's okay to be quiet. It's not okay though to turn it on yourself. You are a child, you were a child. It's the parental responsibility and should be the parental joy to be the protector not the actor who perpetuates the pain. The parent is meant to love; unconditionally, without end and without self-ism or bitterness. The parent is the sole protector and guider of the child and the parent must in all stages of life consider the child.

Rev. Sun Moon put it well "That love cannot be controlled by a husband and a wife. In its presence, you don't have free choice to act according to your own will. You cannot abandon it whenever you don't feel like carrying it. It is impossible to cut it off. There's no way to touch it through the horizontal bond. That's why parental love is absolutely unchanging."

Forgiveness Is....


Forgiveness is not:
1. Approval
2. Forgetting
3. Justifying
4. Giving In
5. Reconciliation
6. Re-hiring
7. Trust
8. Getting Even

Above is a link to a great sermon on the subject of forgiveness. I include this because my sons and I need to be set free of the pain we have experienced at the hands and heart of the man who was so abusive to us. We choose to forgive him for what he has done to us. We choose to acknowledge the wrong done to us. And we choose to extend the mercy and grace given to us by the authority of the Father we serve. We, as the family of the man who allows himself to be the instrument of Satan, extend forgiveness in all its forms to the man who would wrongly and spitefully use and abuse us.

Forgiveness is:
1. Acknowledging the hurt
2. An act of choice
3.Showing Mercy
4. Keeping no record [in our heart] of the wrong
5.Living free of bitterness
6. Required by God.

Matthew 6:14,15
If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Paul's quality of work at home.

These are only samples of unfinished work he left.
There was also: An unleveled room, windows that leaked air, a wall that leaked water, unfinished soffit on the outside of the house, a huge hole he cut in the eve and left open where the squirrels found their way in and tried to dig through the ceiling, a garbage disposal that leaked, toilets that rocked and the list goes on.
The bathroom in these photos was never completed, the tile was uneven and jagged, the shower had a pan leak, the tile floor he installed was also uneven and some of the tiles had come loose, the kitchen in these photos had gone unfinished for FOUR years.
When this house was finally sold....it was sold "As is" and at a huge discount from market value because of the sheer amounts of work that had to be done.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Truth and Betrayed of Son(s)

You may know this man....he may have come to your house to fix your cabinets or repair your fence. What you don't know is who this person is that you let into your house. It's time you did.

Paul Buckalew is a self-proclaimed handyman. He loves money and he loves the fact that you brag about his work, but before you brag too much take a look at the pictures posted here and of the quality of work he did in his own home. They're reminiscent of a handy-menace and you'll enjoy the show. [Please note the date on the pictures are AFTER August 14, 2006 ....you'll understand why in a few minutes.] So, before you let this man into your home again, before you pull out your checkbook to pay him for the work you want him to do, ask yourself, is he paying taxes or child support on the income you are providing him with? And for just a few dollars you can run his name on Publicdata.com and come up with some very interesting information.

But this is not why we are here.....we're here because this man sold out his son so that he could carry on a vengeful grudge against his ex-wife.

Paul had two sons whom he treated with very precise carelessness. So much so that the youngest refuses to even speak his name and the oldest has recently fallen victim to his cruelty once again after a life of having Paul come home drunk and try to assert his manhood by way of abuse and bullying.

You see, Paul could not function as a man or a lover and he could not function as a father either. When his sons wanted to play sports it was their mother who practiced with them. When they wanted to learn to play an instrument, it was their mother who went to their performances. And when Paul came home drunk, again, and tried to beat up on his son(s) it was their mother who put her physical frame between the drunk bully and the children. The mother suffered the abuse of this man to spare the sons his cruel fists of drunk assertion of his manliness.

In October of 2005 the wife took the children and moved to a rental home. While there Paul continued his bullying by way of attacking the mother and trying to extract as much pain and anguish on her as possible. He pushed the mother until she broke on the day after Christmas. In fact you can visit Paul's myspace at myspace.com/protool500; the photo you see there was taken Christmas of 2005 in the rented home of the wife. On December 26, 2005 Paul told the wife that in 19 years of marriage he had never loved her, that she had waisted her entire life and that he never felt any attachment to his sons. On December 28, 2005 the wife filed for a divorce. When she told Paul, his only concern was to request that the wife grant him the family's only asset....the home that had been purchased in the school district where the sons wanted to graduate. When the mother refused to give the family home to the man who had devoted himself to Miller Lite, his bosses daughter and money, he then began to tell the mother how much he loved her and that he wanted her back. The wife was confused but eventually relented to his pleas. She also called her attorney and within a few months had put the divorce on hold.

In 2006 the wife agreed to give the marriage of 19 years, yet, another chance and she moved from the rental house back into the family home. The wife had asked for one term; counseling. Paul had agreed. Paul and the wife began counseling at a very popular marital counseling center in their hometown. The counselor immediately asked that the two to take separate testing to determine the depth of the problems in the marriage. The wife was given a test of mental stability and Paul the test of alcoholism. The wife 'passed' the tests given her but Paul did not. He was rated a score of eleven out of a possible eleven (eleven being a full blown alcoholic). Paul immediately ceased all counseling.

Within a couple of months the marriage had finished breaking down. Paul and the wife discussed the end of the marriage and agreed to an amicable separation that would benefit all involved. The wife vied for the securities of the children and Paul vied for the security of money. On August 14, 2006 the wife went to the bank to withdraw money for her lunches for the week, she met Paul in the foyer of the bank. Paul lied to the wife and tried to cover what he was really doing at the bank. Paul had removed all of the funds from the family's accounts. He had taken every penny, saving for a few outstanding checks, and left the wife and the children penniless. The wife, panicked and scared, went to the family home, and took immediate possession, fearing that, next, Paul would strip her and the children of that too and they would be penniless and homeless. Paul responded in kind; he would throw her "and that god-damn kid out of the house". The wife stood firm and kept possession of the family home. She also called the attorney and re-instated the request for dissolution of marriage.

The wife requested the normal assets in a divorce, but Paul refused to let go of the money. Paul work(s) full time for a facility inside the city AND he works for himself. As said, he is a self-proclaimed handyman and as such makes a nice supplemental income. Paul tied up the divorce for months as he refused to pay child support based on both incomes. So the wife, being smarter, negotiated the settlement to include only partial child support and full ownership of the family home in exchange for the usual 50% of the 401K, return of 50% of the savings and checking accounts he cleaned out, and child support he would not pay on the supplemental income from the handyman business he owned.

The divorce was finalized. Paul had kept all liquid assets and the wife had kept the family home. The only son younger than 18 had requested that he not be forced to visit with the man he had known only as a drunk that abused he, his brother and mother. The judge had agreed based on the fact that Paul didn't even see fit to appear in court to ask to be able to visit the son. This spoke very clearly and very loudly to the son. Since the time of Paul's trip to the bank he has not made any contact with the minor son; the youngest son's father walked out on him and never looked back.

Still, this is not all of why we are here.

Just before Paul had gone to the bank and withdrawn the family funds he had made a trip to the insurance company and made changes to the auto insurance and failed to ensure that the lien holder on the wife's car was notified of the change. The now ex-wife did not learn for more than a year that Paul had told the insurance agent that there was not a lien holder for the car the ex-wife was driving. This caused a huge snowball effect for the, now, ex-wife. The lien holder added insurance to the note of the car and began charging exuberant rates to the ex-wife monthly, but by the time the ex-wife was notified the fees had racked up so high the ex-wife could not get caught up. You can go to http://www.ripoffreport.com and search for Wells Fargo + Balboa Insurance to get a clear picture of the sheer nightmare the ex-wife was enduring. The lien holder added insurance effective September 2006 (one month after Paul's visit to the bank and insurance company). The ex-wife found out in Januaray 2007 of the large sums of money the lien holder had attached to her bill and could not get the mistake corrected. The lien holder began to report on the ex-wife's credit and the ex-wife's credit score plummeted as a result.

During all this time the oldest son tried to stand on his own feet. He moved in with a roommate and tried to maintain a relationship with the father who had tortured him so during drunken stupors. The oldest son remained the only person, even in Paul's own family, who would reach out to him. The oldest son met with being stood up by Paul and with Paul's admissions of doing things intentionally to get back at the ex-wife. On the ex-wife's birthday, Paul sent a text to the ex-wife's phone saying "Happy Birthday Babe, I miss You". The ex-wife was reasonably upset by this but did not know that Paul had confessed to the oldest son that he had done it just to cause the ex-wife pain. The oldest son was remaining an honorable child to Paul, in spite of the oldest child knowing and seeing consistently the true lack of character that Paul possesses. Still the oldest child was willing to try to be a part of Paul's life.

Also during this time, the ex-wife sold the family home. She had become very uneasy in the home when she learned that the bosses daughter and Paul had been practicing witchcraft and had likely placed a curse on the home (or the occupants). The ex-wife and the children needed a new start, and they found one in a home not far from where the youngest child worked. You see, the mother and the sons are God-fearing Christian people, but Paul had taken up witchcraft and had brought bad things into the home. We were right for selling the home; within months after the sale, multiple people died in that house......as a matter of fact; three people - the exact number of person's Paul had named in his Witchcraft curses; the people he saw as his enemies, the ex-wife, the youngest son and the oldest son.

As the months of battle turned into a year of battle with the lien holder, everything came to a head on January 10, 2008, but it was the oldest son who suffered because of it. You see the son had moved back into the new home with the mother and he had been really trying to get his life on track financially. He had been out in the world and it had not been as nice as he had hoped so he decided to regroup. He took a job at a local pizza delivery place to make extra money so that he could, hopefully, maybe, go to school in the fall. He was driving a car that his mother had purchased from the bank where Paul had taken all the family funds from, but the car broke down. The mother had, by now, stopped trying to work with the lien holder and told them to take possession of the family car because she could no longer battle the giant bank and in a year of fighting was getting no where except more and more financially distressed at their demand for overages charged on erroneous insurance. But the boy had no choice but to drive the car, at least for as long as possible until he and his mother could figure out something to do with his broken vehicle. The mother warned the son that the car would likely go back to the bank on any given day. But still, without the funds to pay for expensive repairs on his own car, and with his mother's credit being ruined and with Paul's refusal to help him, he had no choice.

The family car had remained legally in the names of both parents because all banks had refused to refinance the car considering the on-going battle over the erroneous insurance charges and due to the fact that the giant bank had consistently reported the ex-wife as not having paid in full every month. The ex-wife had exhausted all that she had trying to save the car, but now the oldest son was dependent upon the vehicle. He was the only one driving the car because the mother had refused to drive it from the day she informed the bank that she would no longer be paying any more overages.

The bank contacted Paul, and of course, he refused to pay. In like turn, he tried to contact the ex-wife, except he couldn't because he had harassed the ex-wife so much that she had blocked his calls from her phone. So, he did what no parent should ever do.

On January 9 he called the oldest son, whom he knew would take his calls, because the boy was trying to be a son to the unwilling father. Because of his advantage on the young boy and because of the boys willingness to have a relationship with him; he manipulated the young man into giving him all the information about the vehicle that remained in both his name and the ex-wife's. The young man told Paul that the ex-wife was not driving the car, but that he (the oldest son) had been forced into a situation of having to drive it for his job. So... Paul knew that the young man needed the car for his job. Paul did not, at this point , or any other, offer the young man any help; either with fixing his own car or with helping the ex-wife keep the family car so that the young man wouldn't loose his job because he had no car to drive to deliver the pizzas that was earning him extra money to go to college later.

On the morning of January 10, the mother called the Paul to ask him to please not involve the oldest son. The ex-wife tried to explain once again all the problems that she had been battling with the lien holder for the past year. Paul would not hear what the ex-wife was saying. The ex-wife told Paul that she was returning the car to the bank. But Paul continued to press the ex-wife with deadlines and screams of accusations. The ex-wife could not console the anger of the ex-husband, but asked him once again to please not exact this kind of pain on the son. The ex-wife assured the ex-husband that the bank would receive possession of the car before the sun rose the next day. You see the ex-wife was worried about the young man who had just left for work in the car that was going back to the bank. So the ex-wife set out to find some means of transportation for the young man because he surely did not deserve to loose his job because the mother had lost the battle with the lien holder and he did not deserve to loose his job because the ex-husband wanted to exact his revenge on the ex-wife and take the car from her and the young man before she could return it to the bank. Paul had set out to "show the ex-wife" just how manly he wasn't, yet once again.

The mother began arrangements for a vehicle so that the young man would not loose his job. Paul began calling the repossession company to send them for the car so that he could be the one to say HE had given the car back..... remember he had talked to the young man and knew the young man would be using the car for work on January 10? The mother called the young man and asked when he would be finished with his shift....the young man said 8:00 PM and the mother informed the young man of the situation and of the intention to relinquish the car. The young man was relieved because he needed the car to finish his shift at work. The mother called the bank and made arrangements to relinquish the car to them at 9:00 PM. The father, Paul, called the bank and told them to come get it NOW, told them where the son worked, what he looked like and what his full name was. The bank, in true form, contacted a repo man who in like turn called the son's work and informed the son's boss that the son was driving a stolen vehicle and they were coming to get it.

Imagine the son's embarrassment and shame when his boss called him and told him of the conversation with the repo man. None of this was the son's fault; can't really say it was the mother's fault either. But the boy was being used as a pawn so that Paul could "show up" the ex-wife. The son. The only person still willing to befriend the self-proclaimed handyman who loves being patted on the back for fixing your garbage disposal.

The son called the mother, who told the son to give the car over because she was working on getting a vehicle so he could finish his shift. The son also called Paul who only referred the boy to the phone number of the repo man. The boy called the repo man and made the same arrangements the mother had made with the bank. At this point, neither the mother nor the son were concerned with the family car, but only with the son's job. The father was only concerned with being held up and seem as right. The mother prayed all day that day for the boy who was being used as a pawn by his father to hurt her. The mother prayed that the son would not loose his job and the mother continued to work on getting another vehicle so the son could finish his shift and not loose his job. The father continued to call the bank and the repo man and insist that they pick up the car.....Right now.

The mother did make arrangements for another vehicle, but not in time to save the young man. Before the paperwork could be finalized the young man called the mother and informed her that the repo man had already picked up the car and that upon questioning the repo man about the arrangements that had been made for 9:00 PM, the repon man informed the son that the "man on the loan" (remember it was in my name and his) had called them back and told them to go and get the car Right Now. The boy was sent home by his manager, because the boy couldn't finish his shift.

The mother called the owner of the company the next day and spoke on behalf of the young man who had been used a pawn in his father's game of revenge and vengeance AND the mother completed the arrangements for another vehicle so the young man could continue to work. The father.....did nothing. He had seen the young man as a convenient avenue to exact some pain on the ex-wife, but wanted the young man to immediately forgive him for causing the young man his job and grant him the notoriety he felt he deserved as having come out on top and "showing up" the ex-wife.

What Paul managed on January 10 was to alienate his son, for what may be the very last time. The young man was so emotionally distraught about how he had been used by his father that he collapsed from the exhaustion of it all. His mother cared for him while he recovered from the blow, while the father continued his psychological harassment of the young man via the young mans cell phone and text messaging.

The young man has now resigned that Paul is not of the kind of character he wishes to duplicate in his own make-up. He has, with his younger brother, finally seen the real depth of character to the person they now refuse to call dad.

The ex-wife has moved on. She has remarried. The new man of the house is the exact opposite of the man who betrayed the two sons. He is kind, compassionate, considerate, forthright, of noble character, loving, giving, and above all....willing to be a dad to the sons who suffered so at the hands of Paul Buckalew. Finally, they know the joy of having a man to be an example of something other than selfishness, drunkenness and abuse.

of vengeance

: punishment inflicted in retaliation for an injury or offense : retribution
with a vengeance
1: with great force or vehemence with a vengeance>2: to an extreme or excessive degree with a vengeance>

In essence......What comes around, goes around. Rather you call it Karma or life just paying back those who have done wrong to the innocent people in their lives. It will come back to you. In some form on some day.

From the Holy Bible;

Hebrews 10: For we know the one who said, " I will take revenge. I will pay them back."